


He was a monster

by LizzyRed



Category: Half-Life
Genre: Half Life AU, Literally such a good AU, Monster Gordon AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:14:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,261
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24425611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LizzyRed/pseuds/LizzyRed
Summary: Barney Calhoun reminisces about his friend, Gordon Freeman... but Gordon never was what he always seemed to be.
Relationships: Barney Calhoun & Gordon Freeman, Barney Calhoun/Gordon Freeman
Comments: 16
Kudos: 171





	He was a monster

**Author's Note:**

> Okkk this amazing AU was made by @benrybenreybarney on Tumblr (or @eldritchgordonfreeman) and the idea i wrote was inspired by something @yeehawitsdaisy on tumblr said and this AU is really cool

I still remember the first day we met. Back in the bowels of Black Mesa, it was a pretty boring day. Some days tend to be pretty boring, but some more boring than others.  _ God _ , do I really miss those slow, boring days. I'd give my left hand for another day of just literally nothing. Even stuck underground in that facility, I wouldn't mind. I'd never seen him before, and as far as I was concerned, he was a new guy. I remember I was on break, sitting off to the side with not much else to do, and I caught a glimpse of him as he got off the tram. My guard instinct kicked in, which was to inspect him pretty thoroughly as he walked by, eyeing him carefully to get some kind of first impression. He was a quiet dude, with an awkward demeanor that I remember fondly. I really thought at first he just didn't talk because he wasn't a very sociable person, which wasn't too far fetched I suppose.

I remember the first day I tried to speak to him. To my surprise, I came to learn he  _ can't _ speak. He was a mute, and he spoke in sign language, which at the time I didn't know. The first encounter I remember was so awkward, since I couldn't understand a thing he was trying to say. It was a game of charades and scrawled notes in that signature messy doctor handwriting that seems to be the stereotype. Seriously, his handwriting is more chaotic than me getting drunk and playing mario kart on a saturday evening.

But despite that wreck of a first encounter, he seemed like an interesting fella. It's safe to say that night when I made it back to my dorm room, I spent quite a bit of time on the internet trying to find some way to start learning ASL. He seemed to really appreciate that the next time we met.

I eventually learned his name was Gordon. Gordon Freeman. We didn't really talk too much at first, but I think we became actual friends when we started racing each other to get Kleiner's keys. I'll tell ya, that man is  _ fast. _ He can climb through vents like a fucking weasel, it's incredible.

Gordon was a good guy. We definitely grew pretty close as the times went on, at least as close as our schedules and work stations would allow. Turns out the man is a lot stronger than I thought looking at him, I remember as part of some inside joke we arm wrestled and he nearly broke my wrist. He apologizes profusely whenever he does anything, but I gotta hand it to him. It was pretty impressive for a man of science, especially for a nerd with a degree in theoretical physics 

If anyone would have told me… I wouldn't have believed them. I would have called them crazy. I would have probably thought they were joking.

I remember not long before the uh… 'incident'…I noticed this strange aura that was starting to become more clear. It was like… the hairs on the back of your neck would stand up whenever you stood near him. He really wore himself out training for the test, and I remember one night I was thinking about something I could do to help him ease all that tension. I was thinking something like getting him a gaming console next time I get the day off. That night, I had this weird dream… which now I see it more as a prelude, or premonition. There were so many eyes. Just eyes collecting on a monster made of some dark goop, with so many spikes and edges. It had the biggest, sharpest teeth I ever saw. It was hellish, but I was able to shake it off pretty easily, surprisingly enough.

And then the test came about. The Resonance Cascade.

I barely made it outta there alive. I still wasn't sure what happened to Gordon… but I saw him again a long time later. Too long. He looked pretty much the same. And as the story goes, we became close again. It was nice to finally see him again, really. I wish I knew what'd happened…

It didn't take long for me to learn about it. It started when I dug up a lot of old Black Mesa files in Kleiner's lab while he was taking a power nap (more like a 6 hour mid day slumber, the man's really gotta sleep more.) After witnessing just about the strangest thing I think I've ever seen. Gordon had cut himself on something, through the glove in his suit, and I didn't see any blood. All I saw was this blue substance, this blue liquid that burned through his crowbar like acid. He thought I didn't see it, and you know I really did pretend I didn't. I found some old, half worn and destroyed files about this old experiment on a creature of unknown origin. I found log files, statistics, test results…but that's usual Black Mesa shit. What really  _ baffled _ me was…

Digging through the piles of papers, I found files and pictures of Gordon. After a bit of reading, I realized the two were  _ connected. _ This hell creature that I've seen in countless dreams, and Gordon Freeman himself. They were  _ connected. _

And that was just absolutely mind boggling to think about. That my friend, Gordon Freeman…

He was a monster.

I really didn't know what to think. He's never had any hostile intent. They classified him as some kind of dangerous entity of chaos or some shit, some… eldritch horror of some kind. It never really seemed that way. He was lucky, he was skilled, and he was dangerous, but… not in a threatening way. After Black Mesa, he knew his way around a battlefield, and could handle guns better than I could. He was a force to be reckoned with when it came to the Combine. But out of everything, he had good intentions. He was a good person. A bit of a nervous wreck at times, but… he's not some kind of monster.

Over time I became more aware of it. I kept tabs on it, and I was noticing a pattern. The more stressed he got, the more it was starting to break out. And he was getting pretty fucking  _ stressed _ . I feared for how the other's would take it, or how he'd react if he knew that I knew. Or what would happen if he snapped.

But I kept it a secret. I kept it a secret for as long as I could. But I knew it was getting worse.

When the big revolution hit, things were just going downhill. Leading all the way up to this point…

The Striders had been attacking us for quite a while. We'd gotten crates and supplies of rockets to take them down, and I remember Gordon joined me on the front lines. He was honestly an ace at shooting a rocket at those things. I was a bit messy myself, but he hit every shot he took. That was at least until a few Combine soldiers began shooting at us. I got grazed pretty bad, and I thought we were alright, but I didn't notice how bad the wound was until I felt the warmth of blood soaking my side. I had to drop my launcher and hurry to cover, and I remember looking back to catch a glimpse of something I don't think I'll ever forget. Gordon looked at me, but I saw this… blue tint in his eyes. It was unnatural, and it made me feel that feeling again. The hairs of the back of your neck would stand up, and you get goosebumps. Not to mention, these eyes…

When one of the medics took me in to patch me up, I don't remember seeing Gordon again afterwards. I only remember sneaking off and defying the doctors orders to stay put, going out again after the striders were all down to find Gordon again. What I found, I definitely did not like. I found traces of human blood, mixed with this iridescent, almost shimmering and glowing blue liquid. It was highly corrosive, covering a pistol lying on the ground and just completely ruining it. I followed the trail left behind, boot prints on the ground leading off in an uneven, stumbling path. The further I got, the colder my blood felt. I began seeing bits and pieces of the HEV suit scattered around, falling off piece by piece in a trail leading into a dark alleyway. There were scratches in the dirt from an animal, or a beast, that had to be large. It definitely wasn't some kind of wild dog. Dogs don't bleed iridescent glowing blue acid.

I stopped dead in my tracks when I heard a low guttural growl. Looking into the darkness of the shadowed alleyway, I could see multiple eyes staring back at me. Every brain instinct I could have possibly had was telling me to just run for it. Forget it was there. Run and never come back.

But I think a part of me knew what it was. Which was what motivated my body to step forward into the alleyway.

Wedged in the corner, I saw a beast I never would have been able to conceive any thought of being real. I wouldn't have believed myself if I'd told myself back in Black Mesa, the man you just met is a monster. I wasn't sure if the eyes and the growl were threatening, or if it was a defensive growl of fear. There was a considerable wound in its leg and its abdomen that were bleeding blue, dripping off of it's dark and goopy body. It resembled that of a wolf mixed with what I could only describe as a raptor. It had teeth like I'd never seen before, its body riddled with so many eyes and the back flared with spines and crystalline spikes. There were tentacle-like appendages flowing from where his pony tail  _ used _ to be, before he cut his hair. It was growling in a feral way, pushing its back against the brick wall. I was completely frozen, I can’t remember what I was holding, but I know I dropped it, and I vaguely remember something hitting the ground beside my foot. Gordon’s crowbar laid bitten in half on the ground, and his glasses beside it.

“...Holy shit…” I breathed, my legs feeling weak.

The beast growled, lowering its head as it curled up in the corner. I was still trying to process what was going on. I hoped he still retained some kind of thought so he didn’t eat me. I stepped forward very carefully, raising my hands to show I meant no harm.

“Hey…” I said calmly. It…he…stared at me. It was covered in eyes with glowing blue scleras, with golden irises and silvery pupils, but I could see a pair of oddly human green eyes staring directly into mine where his eyes normally would be.

I stepped forward very calmly, and I watched as he flinched.

“You alright pal…? You’re bleedin’ a lot…”

It began to growl lowly as I stepped closer. Or…he. God, this is so surreal…

“Gordon…” I said softly. That seemed to catch him by surprise. “Listen man… I… I already know… you’re alright… you’re not gonna scare me…”

He seemed apprehensive, but silent.

“You’re not gonna scare anybody… well, maybe… but it’s alright…”

I stepped closer. He stared at me, but he didn’t move.

“It’s alright…”

I reached for my belt. I was going to place my pistol on the ground, but I was startled when it suddenly swiped its claw at me, growling. I jumped, stumbling back. It ripped a piece of my jacket off. It seemed to back up immediately, hiding it’s head underneath its claws.

Or…his.  _ I gotta stop saying it. _

“Shit-!” I stammered. “S-sorry, I was… I was just gonna put it down-”

He still seemed on edge. I placed the pistol on the ground carefully, trying my steady approach again.

“I ain’t gonna hurt ya…” I said in a soft time.

I reached out a hand, very slowly and carefully. He stared at me, his form shifting as some of the eyes were beginning to close. My hand touched the top of his head, and I felt instantly my blood run ice cold. I felt a buzzing energy in my chest, my nerves tingling. It was like I was covered in static electricity. I closed my eyes, wrapping my arms around him. I could feel his form shifting, and a trembling in his chest as slowly his form began shrinking. I didn’t open my eyes. I really didn’t want to. I didn’t really want to see how the form changed. I’d rather not have nightmares about it.

It didn’t take long before I was sitting on my knees on the ground, holding a sobbing Gordon in my lap, curled up in a ball and hugging his body, which was bleeding from a wound in his abdomen. I just let him take as long as he needed. He wouldn’t die from blood loss. I knew that from the files.

“You’re alright…” I said quietly. “We’re alright…”

He looked up at me, and he signed with shaking hands…

[Thank you, Barney.]

I wasn’t exactly how sure long we sat there for, but I thank god nobody came looking for us.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [we'll be okay, i promise](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24436015) by [sunlit_tea_leaves](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunlit_tea_leaves/pseuds/sunlit_tea_leaves)




End file.
